Learning to Trust Your Self

Trust. It’s as hard to give out as it is to accept, surprisingly. Many people who are in a position of trust self-sabotage themselves out of an innate fear they’re going to fail the people who are trusting them. Trust is a prickly thing and can be very difficult, or at least it seems that way.

But what if trust were actually something soft and gentle and glowing golden and pure?

I recently saw a saying about trust:

A relationship without trust is like having a phone with no service. And what do you do with a phone with no service? You play games!

A rather modern and poignant way to see it, to be sure, but is it any less true?

Trust is critical when it comes to people and the relationships we have or are seeking. In order to be trusted, we need to know what trust is, and to trust ourselves. This isn’t as easy as it sounds, but is a big hurdle we must overcome on our path to being our best selves.

Never trust a naked man offering you a shirt – African saying

Out of hand we want to trust anybody. But how do you trust someone offering you something they do not have themselves? Thus it becomes obvious that if we want to trust others, we need to understand what it means to trust from the inside out. From inside of ourselves to the outside world.

Some would wonder what it means to not trust yourself. What does that look like for some people? Sometimes it’s giving in to vices, over indulging. We know what’s good for ourselves, but we don’t trust ourselves around temptation like sweets or alcohol. We avoid, we ignore, we put on blinders to the very things that challenge us, because we’re afraid to trust ourselves to be strong.

Sometimes a lack of self trust turns up as being submissive to the will and wants of others. We don’t trust ourselves when it comes to what we could or want to do, so we turn to others. We might over-extend ourselves in helping others, in an effort to ignore the fact we don’t trust ourselves with our own time. We might take on extra tasks, or do things only for the intent of pleasing others, because we don’t want to be left alone with what we fear will be an emptiness or void of ‘things’ in our own private lives.

Trusting ourselves is critical. It’s not easy, but it’s ever so important. How do we learn to trust ourselves though, when sometimes people have focused so much on others, on externalizing distrust or making it impossible for us to experience our own faith and trust in ourselves?

One of the first building blocks to self trust could be taking time to meditate, to sit alone with our thoughts, to be alone with ourselves. How can you trust yourself if you don’t ‘know’ yourself? And how can you know yourself if you’re always seeking the thoughts and opinions of others on the outside?

Getting to know ourselves can be frightening. But guess what? You really can’t hurt yourself. You really do have a natural state of bliss waiting for you to discover. And you really do have a lot of self love to give, even if you’re terribly afraid to do take a look.

It’s not easy to sit alone with yourself when you’ve been avoiding your own self for years, maybe even decades. But believe it or not, you can do it. And it all begins with simply sitting. You might need to find some time between chores or work you’ve taken on that you have decided is the most important thing in the world. It can wait. It might be taking a few minutes in between one load of laundry and another. The clothes can wait as well, and so can the dust and the dishes and the paperwork and the assignments.

Nothing is more important than you, than getting to know yourself. And when you’re ready to start to know that importance, you might just be ready to start developing self trust.

Get to know the wonderful person you are. See that there is NOTHING wrong with you, with the silence that comes from listening to yourself. And know that if anything comes up that does frighten you, that does scare or torment you, it’s a passing thought, a fly buzzing around your nose that will go away if you let it.

Relax. Breathe deeply. And trust yourself.

Out of all the people in the world, you are the one who wants what’s best for you the most, whether or not you believe it just yet. You will. So trust yourself. Trust your self. Then, when you have begun to trust yourself, you will find how much easier it is to trust other people.

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